


Your Words, My Song

by gyuhyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Barebacking, Drunk Sex, First Time, M/M, Multi, Poetry, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 22:12:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyuhyun/pseuds/gyuhyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo is the luckiest fanboy in the world. He gets to go to all of 5 Directions' events and even gets to sleep with his favorite member. But when he loses more than his virginity that night, what will he do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Words, My Song

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [3daysofkaisoo](http://3daysofkaisoo.livejournal.com/5258.html).

**kyungsoo**

The lights are bright and the screams are loud, but Kyungsoo loses himself in the rhythmic beats of the guitar. He loses himself with the ease of fingers moving over strings, in the chiseled jawline, toned arms and serious face. Kyungsoo loses himself in Jongin, 5 Directions' lead guitarist.

Jongin's skin shines from sweat and the way the lights hit him. Kyungsoo swallows the lump in his throat as he follows a bead of sweat fall down Jongin’s arms. Kyungsoo thanks the heavens that the band plays in clubs like these because Kyungsoo can see Jongin so close he can almost touch him. 

Next to him, his best friend Baekhyun screams his head off as the band begins to sing their encore song. He glances beside him and rolls his eyes when he spots tears in Baekhyun's eyes. He shakes his head and focuses back on Jongin who smiles as he starts strumming the song to their latest single. 

Baekhyun absolutely loses it as he recognizes the song. Kyungsoo feels the same excitement, but reins in his desire to scream and sob. Baekhyun keeps shouting; he even flails as he starts sobbing along with a few of the people up front. 

The lead singer—Jongdae—laughs before he starts to sing. His voice echoes loudly in the club as the rest of the crowd goes crazy. It's their latest single, _Story Of Our Lives_ , from their third album, _Midnight Hangovers_. 

Kyungsoo lets the tears fall as he watches a real smile cross Jongin's face. He only smiles when he's truly happy, and Kyungsoo has never seen one this close. In all the events that he's been to, Kyungsoo has only seen a ghost of that smile, because it's always been at a concert hall, with his seat meters away. Here at the club, Jongin's smile stands out under the colored lights, brighter than the stage lights. Love has never looked so beautiful.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

Kyungsoo fans himself as they settle into the bar located at the corner of the club. Most of the crowd gathered by the stage has dispersed to mingle as 5 Directions gets off the stage. Kyungsoo sits on one of the stools and orders a beer. Baekhyun takes the seat beside him with a look in his eyes and a dreamy sigh on his lips. Kyungsoo takes a long swig of his beer and braces himself for the gushing.

Baekhyun talks his ear off with random spazzing over everything. Most of the words that come through Kyungsoo's ears are 'Jongdae' and 'hot, awesome, cool'. He stops paying attention halfway through the 'Jongdae's like a god...' fearing his hearing may suffer. When Baekhyun finally stops, Kyungsoo just barely catches his question. 

"What?" Kyungsoo asks, finally paying attention. Baekhyun doesn't seem to notice that Kyungsoo has stopped listening. 

"I was asking if you wanted to go home." Baekhyun rolls his eyes but waits for Kyungsoo's reply. 

Kyungsoo checks the time on his phone and grimaces when he spots it's almost 2AM. "It's this late?" 

Baekhyun barks out a laugh. "I know. What’s even more surprising is that you're not begging to go home yet." 

Kyungsoo scowls and glares at Baekhyun. He turns back to his almost finished beer and swirls the bottle. "Do you wanna go home?" 

Baekhyun fakes a gasp. "My my, is honor student Do Kyungsoo suggesting we stay out and go clubbing?" 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and takes a final swig of his beer. "I wasn't suggesting anything. I was asking if you wanted to go home. If you don't, then I don't mind staying." Kyungsoo shrugged. "Classes just started and it's my final year. I want to take it easy for as long as possible." 

Baekhyun laughs as he wraps his arms around Kyungsoo's shoulders. "Aww don't be so grumpy, Kyungiepoo. We should probably go though. I've got a pain in the ass prof tomorrow. And she's my first class." Baekhyun groans and Kyungsoo nods in understanding. 

"Okay, let's go."

**jongin**

"Bye motherfuckers, I'm going to get drunk!" Jongin hollers as he walks out of the dressing room. He can vaguely hear Jongdae's voice calling after him, but he doesn't stop sauntering over to the bar.

Jongin smiles kindly at the ladies throwing themselves at him before gently pushing them away. He's not drunk enough to want to get laid yet. He shakes his head at the women before taking the last few steps to the bar. He takes a seat at the farthest corner where he can remain unnoticed thanks to the dim lighting. He's shed the shiny glittering stage clothes to something dark and plain, helping him blend in the background. He orders the strongest alcohol he can think of and downs it in one go. 

Jongin welcomes the burning sensation sliding down his throat and settling in his stomach. The warmth comes not a minute too soon, spreading over his chest and arms. The heat that comes with the bar's atmosphere does little to cool him down but that's okay. Jongin orders five more drinks and downs them just like he did the first time. 

Jongin knows he's drunk when he can hear himself giggle at absolutely nothing. He doesn't know how many shots he’s taken. No one's talking to him and he's slightly surprised none of his band members have come to pick him up. Thinking of how stupid his band mates are, he laughs. 

"Are you okay?" someone asks as they bump shoulders with him. Jongin shakes his head to clear his vision but nothing happens. All he can see is a blur of lights and people and this person in front of him wearing what looks like a fan shirt of his band. He laughs again leaning onto the person. 

"You a fan?" Jongin finds himself asking as he settles his head on the stranger's shoulder. The person seems to stiffen, but Jongin can't be too sure. It's quiet for a second so Jongin closes his eyes and inhales the scent of the stranger. It's a mixture of sweat, smoke and some musk he isn't familiar with. It's light enough that it doesn't make him dizzy. A whisper filters through Jongin's ears but he can't decipher what it says. He ignores it and leans most of his body weight on the stranger.

"...leave it to you, then," someone says, the voice sounding familiar. It's the only thing Jongin catches before pulling himself back up. He squints his eyes at the direction the voice came from but all he can see is the back of someone walking away. He can't tell who it is.

"Is there anywhere you want to go to?" the person whispers in his ears. Maybe he said it loud enough and it felt like a whisper. Jongin can't be too sure. He squints his eyes again at the person before him. His hands come up to feel him through his shirt. 

_Flat._ He thinks. He concludes there's a high chance the stranger before him is male. He slides his hands down a little to the soft stomach and the jutting hipbones. It doesn't escape his notice how hard and straight the lines of the body seem to be. _Definitely male._

There's a shudder as he slides his hand up the stranger's sides. He brings the body closer to him, standing up on shaky legs so they're pressed right against each other. He tries to look at the face of the man before him, squinting when all he sees is a blur of white and black and maybe some pink. He gives up trying to focus when his head starts to pound. If he's drunk enough he can't even tell the face of the person in front of him, he doesn't mind wanting to hold this body through the night. 

"Hotel," Jongin whispers right by the stranger's ears. He revels in the shivers that rake the body in his arms. 

Jongin doesn't know or hear what the stranger replies, but the person seems to know what he's doing as he leads Jongin away from the club. It's a short walk to the hotel, as there's loads of them located near the club. Jongin finds himself in a quiet cool room soon enough. There are two beds in the middle of the room separated by a night stand. The windows are floor to ceiling types that have curtains drawn over them. There's barely any light in the room and it's just the way Jongin likes it. 

When the door clicks shut, Jongin pushes the man against the door, locking it in the process and captures those soft lips with his own.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

The touch of another person's lips has never felt this good or soft to Jongin. Jongin leans in even closer, laying himself flat against the warm body and sucking those soft lips into his mouth.

The body beneath him moans and Jongin feels a rush come over him. He pulls away and hurriedly undresses the both of them, not wasting another minute to feel the warmth of skin against his own. Jongin sighs as he holds the body beneath him, placing open mouthed kisses by the side of his neck. 

"So smooth," Jongin comments as the person moans his name. 

Jongin's blood rushes down south and he grinds his hips against the stranger's thighs. 

"Jongin," the person pleads, saying his name over and over again. Jongin gets drunk on the deep tenor of his voice that he doesn't notice the soft hands on his chest pushing him away. 

"What?" Jongin finds himself asking as he rests his weight on his arms. Jongin can't see the face under him. He can only hear and feel. The stranger pants as he slides his hands down Jongin's chest. 

"I—" the stranger stutters. Jongin smirks at him, finding the stutter cute. Jongin closes his eyes and leans a little closer. He takes the hand on his chest and presses his lips on the inside of the stranger's palm. 

"Shhhh," Jongin says as he kisses the wrist. He leaves a trail of kisses until he's by the stranger's ears, whispering, "You can tell me what you want." 

"Please," the stranger begins softly, but sounding so sweet in Jongin's ear. 

_Such a wonderful tone_ , Jongin thinks. 

"It's my first time." 

Jongin's mind blanks. He stays in that position for what feels like an eternity as those words sinks in. 

"Jongin," the deep voice calls him back to reality. Jongin feels a confident smile settle on his lips before he eases his face into a more gentle look. He leans back up and stares at the face of the person before him with unseeing eyes. All Jongin can see is the darkness, white skin that shines in the dark room and black hair. 

Jongin strokes the cheek of the person before him. He leans down and kisses him on the forehead. "I promise—" he presses his lips at the top of the stranger's nose. "—to be gentle." 

Jongin takes a second before he captures those lips with his own. He caresses the skin with the tips of his fingers before pulling the stranger close. He'll do good on his promise. He'll be gentle and he'll be the best night this guy will ever have. 

Jongin leaves gentle kisses on his skin and whispers sweet lies whenever he pulls away. He strokes him with careful attention and prepares him in a torturously slow pace. This is the best way Jongin can be gentle. 

It isn't until the stranger begs him that Jongin stops preparing him. He lubes up his cock and slides in the tight entrance. Jongin drinks in the moans and groans as he strokes the other's cock to distract him from the pain. Even as he's settled in, Jongin continues to stroke his partner's cock. Jongin leans down and kisses those soft lips once more to help him relax. 

The person grips Jongin's arm and mumbles something against his lips. It sounds a lot like _please_ to Jongin and he smirks into the kiss despite himself. Jongin doesn't pull away as he pulls out slowly and thrusts back in just as slow. It's the slowest pace he's ever settled but he doesn't hurry. He only fastens his pace when he hears little whimpers of _faster_ coming from beneath him. 

When the person screams his name as he comes, Jongin knows he's fulfilled at least one of his promises for the night. Jongin comes at the same time to the sound, spilling himself inside of the person's warmth. The sound of heavy breathing echoes in his ear and he waits until the body beneath him stops trembling to pull out. 

Jongin rolls over on the other side of the bed and wraps himself with the blanket. Jongin knows he promised to be gentle but the rest of the promises he whispered on the skin of the body beside him were and will always be just lies. 

Jongin falls asleep to a heaviness on his back. It doesn't feel like a body pressed up against him. It feels like the weight of a stare, or the guilt one drowns in before sleep comes and takes them away.

**kyungsoo**

Kyungsoo stares at the back of the idol he loves. It's as broad and as beautiful as he had always imagined it would be. Even in the darkness of the room, it looks ethereal. Something about the way the blanket slips off of his arms looks like perfection.

Kyungsoo ignores the pang in his heart as he memorizes the image. He tries to ignore the way Jongin didn't hold him as he slept. He ignores the way his heart hurts more than his body. He thinks of Jongin, the way his guitar sounds and how gentle he was that night. Kyungsoo focuses on that and not at the way his heart falls apart. 

Before he can cry, Kyungsoo looks over by the bed and finds his bag. He sighs in relief when he spots it close to his side, thankful he won't need to walk to get to it. He finds an almost tattered black notebook inside and grabs it. He flips to the first blank page somewhere in the middle. There's a pen stuck on the cover of the notebook and he uncaps it. 

At first, Kyungsoo just taps the pen on the paper. All the words inside his head are a jumbled mess and it's difficult to make sense of things when he feels so many contrasting emotions. He takes a deep breath and tries to clear his head. He closes his eyes and imagines a wind blowing away his thoughts. When he opens them, Kyungsoo looks around the room, finding he can finally make sense of his feelings. He looks at Jongin, his sleeping form still quiet in the dead of the night and writes on his notebook. 

Bit by bit, Kyungsoo bares his heart and soul with words on paper. He writes carelessly and freely, feeling like losing himself in his own writing. This is the closest Kyungsoo will come to crying. With his pen as his eyes and the words as his tears, together with his heart, Kyungsoo makes a poem.

Kyungsoo closes his notebook and sighs. He pulls his knees up and rests his head against it. He doesn't know what time it is and he's pretty sure soon his alarm will ring. But a part of him doesn't want to leave the still warm sheets and the cold room. 

A phone rings from somewhere on the floor and startles Kyungsoo, who pushes his things to the side and grabs his bag. Finding his phone, he quickly shuts off the alarm, silence echoing in the room as the sound dies. Kyungsoo sighs as he slumps back into the pillows. He looks at the time on his phone and his eyes widen when he realizes what the alarm is for. 

"Shit shit shit," Kyungsoo mutters as he crawls off the bed. The sticky feeling still lingers on his skin, especially on his lower regions. He sighs as he makes his way to the shower and takes a quick one. 

Kyungsoo rushes out, pulling his clothes on even as they reek of beer, smoke, and sex. He ignores it and stuffs the things he can't wear inside his bag. He doesn't turn back as he leaves the room. He closes the door as softly as possible and runs out of the hotel clutching his bag close to his side.

**jongin**

Jongin wakes up with a throbbing head and an empty bed. The rhyme, although unexpected, is not completely unwanted. It almost makes him feel like he can write songs again. He lies on his back with his eyes closed and tries to string a few words together.

 _Throbbing head, empty bed,_ Jongin loops the words in his mind before giving up with the line of thought. He comes up blank for a few seconds but Jongin doesn't want to give up. It's been a while since he felt like this, like he could feel _something_. Jongin thinks of a few words that match with how he feels. 

Jongin is all alone in a hotel room. The body that was beside him last night is no longer there. From where Jongin's palm lays flat, all he can feel is the cool sheets. There are no traces of someone being by his side at all. It should make him feel something other than the coolness of the bed. The loneliness that usually settled in his skin should have appeared already. Instead, all Jongin can feel is the throbbing in his head and the emptiness of his heart. 

"It's almost like I can't feel anything," Jongin scoffs as he clears his mind. He sits up and leans on the board with his eyes closed. He stops thinking of words and just clears his head to alleviate the pain he feels. 

Jongin feels for his phone on the bed and when he finds it, he scrunches his eyebrows at the weird and heavy feeling in his hands. He opens his eyes and finds a black tattered-looking notebook in his hands. 

Jongin glares at it, almost offensively, like everything that's wrong with this world is this notebook's fault. He only stops when being angry worsens his headache. He sighs and puts the notebook down to look for his phone. 

He finds it on the floor, buried under a pile of his own clothes. As he picks up his clothes, he notices that there really isn't any trace of another person inside the room aside from him. 

Jongin pulls on his boxer briefs and decides to look around, just to make sure he is in fact alone. The room isn't too big and the only place left to check is the bathroom. The door is ajar when Jongin finds it and he doesn't particularly remember using it the night before. He opens it and finds a towel on the floor and the shower and sink still wet. 

Sighing, Jongin returns to the bed and checks his phone. It's still early enough that he doesn't have to be home yet but late enough that he's got messages from his roommate and band mates. The two from Jongdae are mostly asking if he's okay. 

"Always the worry wart," Jongin comments as he replies. 

Chanyeol sends one as well, asking if he's going to attend the band meeting tonight. Jongin rolls his eyes as he replies. It's not like he can miss a meeting that's going to take place at _their_ apartment. He throws his phone on the far side of the bed and reaches for his pants. He finds his wallet in the back pocket, cash and cards still complete. There's an aspirin lodged somewhere deep inside and Jongin takes it. 

There's nothing left to do in the room so Jongin decides to shower before leaving, the sticky feeling from last night finally making his skin crawl. When he's clean enough, Jongin looks at the clothes he wore from last night and begrudgingly puts them on. He chucks his phone and wallet in his back pockets, checks his keys in his front pockets and is about to turn away when he spots the black notebook on the bed. It stands out from the white sheets so much that it feels like it’s beckoning Jongin to come closer. 

Jongin picks the notebook up, looks at it one last time and holds onto it as he exits the hotel room. He still has a minor headache and perusing the notebook might aggravate it. He decides to stop by a cafe to check on the notebook there, with some food and coffee by his side.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

Jongin ignores the looks he receives as soon as steps inside the cafe. It's mostly quiet so he assumes people look because the bell rang as he opened the door. He tries not to think it's because of the way his clothes smell like booze and smoke. He steps up to the counter and orders his usual, smiling at the barista as she greets him brightly.

He takes a seat in a secluded corner of the cafe, choosing it so he can avoid interactions with unnecessary people. He props up the notebook on the small table and inspects its cover. It’s matte black, with wrinkles that look white from bending. At the bottom right corner, there are, what Jongin assumes, initials in English letters. 

"D.K.," Jongin reads aloud. Jongin lifts the notebook and feels the engraved letters with the tips of his fingers. He wonders if these were the initials of the man he was with last night. 

"Who else could it be?" Jongin mutters to himself, realizing how stupid it was to think the owner of this notebook would be someone else. 

Jongin thinks about this D.K. person, tries to remember who he is. Jongin closes his eyes and taps his forehead with the notebook. He remembers drinking, getting drunk and then someone bumping into him.

"That's right," Jongin wonders aloud. "He was wearing a fan shirt for 5 Directions." Jongin thinks about it, trying to remember what this person looks like but comes up blank. He slaps his head with the notebook and before he can berate himself any further, a cheery barista calls his name. 

Jongin gives up trying to remember the face of the man he slept with and eats his sandwich. The coffee he drinks along with it helps clear his mind of the fog left over by his hangover but doesn't help jog his memory of the man. He feels guilty for not remembering, but only because the man had left Jongin something to remember him by. If it were another person, Jongin's sure he wouldn't have felt guilty at all.

Without much of a choice, Jongin decides to treat it as any other one night stand and peruses the journal. The pages don't look as worn as the cover but have writings all over them. There are columns and spaces to separate sections of writing and Jongin starts from the top left corner of the notebook. 

"The sky is blue, the leaves are green, the day is supposed to be, as beautiful as it seems, but deep within, deep inside of myself, there is a blackness that makes the day dim," Jongin reads aloud and then scoffs at the tacky rhyming. He continues to read the rest of the page, flipping over a few and confirms his suspicion that the notebook is indeed a poem journal. 

Jongin doesn't know what compels him to do it but he finds himself reading all the poems written in every page. The words "D.K." use are simple and the lines are exceptionally short sometimes but when he sews them together, Jongin finds himself captivated with each poem that he reads. Each page mirrors D.K.'s growth. The further Jongin goes, the deeper he finds himself in D.K.'s thoughts, deeper in D.K.'s heart. 

However, one poem has Jongin completely astounded. 

"There is a man," Jongin reads aloud this time. "Who dances with strings, shining bright under the stars. He moves with grace, and holds the audience with his gaze. He uses his strings to communicate, his fingers to move them, and with that he holds my heart." 

Jongin reads it again, quietly in his mind. He reads it again and again after that until he's got the poem memorized. Something about it, something about the words more than just draw Jongin in. It's almost as if...

"I've found my song," Jongin mumbles. "I've found it," he says a little more determined. "This is it." Jongin shakes the notebook in wonder. As if seeing the notebook in a new light, Jongin decides to read all the poems again, capturing each line with a new meaning. 

_The sky is blue,_  
The leaves are green,  
The day is supposed to be,  
As beautiful as it seems,  
But deep within, deep inside of myself,  
There is a blackness that makes the day dim. 

The poem he once scoffed at now makes his heart ache, reading it as if he was D.K. himself that wrote it. He reads the rest of the notebook with that kind of mindset until he realizes that he has to go and tell his members about it. He shuts the notebook, grabs his almost empty cup of coffee and exits the cafe as fast as he can.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

Jongin reaches his apartment in record time and he fumbles for his keys for a second before pausing at the door. Soft piano keys, gentle guitar strumming and mumbled singing filter through the thick wood and Jongin shakes his head as lets himself into his apartment. He chooses to walk to the living room, where the noise comes from, instead of greeting the others by the doorway.

Joonmyun stands in the middle of everyone, a keyboard in front of him. Sehun sits on the couch, playing one of Jongin's guitar to the melody of Joonmyun's piece. Jongdae sits with Sehun and Chanyeol on the long couch, humming. Chanyeol is the only one not making any noise, eyes closed, hands balled into a loose fist and wrist flicking every once in a while. It's a familiar sight to Jongin, the only thing that's changed is the music they play. 

The notes Joonmyun's fingers make are soft and smooth. Sehun's guitar strums are careful, a little clumsy because he's better with a bass but they try to follow the melody Joonmyun makes. Jongdae's hums are quiet to match the song. They're halfway through the middle of the song and so Chanyeol's beating his imaginary drums a little more intensely. The only thing missing is Jongin's words. 

"I'm back," Jongin says quietly, to disrupt the solemn mood the music's gotten them in. 

"Oh, hey," Chanyeol greets with the widest smile, enveloping Jongin with a one arm hug. Sehun smiles up at him handing him his guitar and Jongin nods in thanks. Jongin greets Jongdae and Joonmyun before taking the love seat for his own. 

"Is this a new song?" Jongin asks as he starts strumming his guitar. 

Joonmyun chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding Jongin's eyes. He doesn't seem to want to answer so Jongin directs his gaze towards the others. Sehun and Chanyeol mumble something to themselves, looking as if they're in a conversation. It leaves Jongdae, who sighs but answers Jongin's question. 

"We're just jamming." Jongdae keeps his eyes on his toes from where he's sitting on the couch.

Jongin frowns at his band mates' obvious discomfort but doesn't comment on it. He knows it will probably cause another fight and that's the last thing they need right now. He takes a deep breath and leans back on his chair, he looks up at Joonmyun even though the eldest has his eyes on the keyboard. 

"I think we should add it," Jongin says simply, setting his guitar down to the side. He ignores the several incredulous looks and the one exaggerated gasp and smiles at his band mates. 

"We don’t have to," Joonmyun quickly defends. "It’s really not why I wrote the song. I just wrote it today really. Something I did on the spot. Just for jamming purposes. You know? It’s not. It’s not for the album." Joonmyun bites his lip and rubs the back of his nape. He keeps his eyes firmly on the left side of his keyboard. 

“And we’re not saying that just because you haven’t written any of the lyrics for the other songs yet,” Chanyeol adds and Jongdae whips his head to look at him. Jongin has to stifle a laugh when he catches Sehun elbow Chanyeol and Jongdae smack him on the back of his head. 

“Dumbass,” Jongdae grumbles. He mumbles a few more things that Jongin barely catches but knows from the tone are reprimands. 

Joonmyun sighs and walks to sit on the armrest of Jongin’s chair. Jongin looks at their leader, waits for him to speak before saying anything else. Joonmyun has his fingers laced together on his lap and a rueful smile. 

“Sorry,” Joonmyun whispers. “The truth is I wrote that song a long time ago.” Joonmyun looks at Jongin for the first time since he got home. There’s so much guilt in Joonmyun’s expression. “It was the first song I’d written in our new music style, before we even talked about changing genres.” 

Jongin gives Joonmyun a solemn smile. He’s just about to apologize when Joonmyun cuts him off. 

“When Jongdae and I proposed the idea of changing styles because we finally found _our_ music, it was _that_ song that made our resolve strong. It was _the song_ that helped us discover what kind of music we wanted to make.” There’s a faraway look in Joonmyun’s eyes, as if he’s seeing a memory and not Jongin himself. When his eyes look like they’re back in the present, Joonmyun smiles a little more kindly at Jongin. “We couldn’t just give it to you to write lyrics for, especially not in the state you’re in.” 

Jongin nods in understanding. “For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. I just.” Jongin sighs finding a hard time looking for his words. “I was really okay with changing styles. I just wanted to play the guitar, write music and stuff. I didn’t expect it to be so hard.” Jongin covers his head with his hands. Joonmyun waits for him to continue speaking which leaves the living room a little quiet. The other three must’ve left the two of them alone. 

“At the time, I just hadn’t found _my song_ yet.” Jongin lifts his head up and his eyes meet with Joonmyun. 

“At the time?” 

“I think I finally found it,” Jongin declares, feeling a smile coming on. “I think I finally found my song.” 

Joonmyun smiles and envelopes Jongin in a one-arm hug. “That’s great, Jongin!” 

“But I have some bad news,” Jongin adds before any of them can start celebrating. “My song, isn’t exactly my song.” 

Joonmyun gives Jongin a questioning look. “What do you mean?” 

Jongin bites his lip as he pushes the poem journal to Joonmyun’s hands. “This is from the person I slept with last night. It’s a poem journal that has all the words I’ve ever wanted to say and more. It’s the perfect song book.” 

“But it isn’t yours,” Joonmyun points out. 

“It isn’t mine.” 

“I thought you found _your_ song?” 

Jongin gives Joonmyun a mischievous smile. “Whoever owns this notebook _is_ my song. Now, we just have to find him.” 

Joonmyun gives Jongin a hard look. “You don’t know where he is?” 

Jongin shakes his head. 

“Do you know his name?” 

Jongin thinks about it for a second before cringing and shaking his head again. 

Joonmyun sighs. “Are you serious?” 

“Yes. Yes I am.” 

“But you still want to look for this guy?” 

“It’s not like I can just use his poems to start writing lyrics, that’s illegal.” Joonmyun looks like he wants to say something but Jongin cuts him off. “Plus, if I can’t use his words, maybe he can help me _find_ mine.” 

Joonmyun looks at the tattered journal in his hands, then at Jongin with this hopeful look in his eyes. He knows more than anyone what it’s like not knowing the words or melody to a song in your head. The least he can do is find the person who will bring those out of Jongin. Joonmyun smiles at Jongin. 

“Come on, let’s go ask the others for help. God knows we need it.” 

Jongin smiles widely as he thanks Joonmyun, taking back the journal. Joonmyun just chuckles as he watches Jongin walk away. Jongin doesn’t bother asking his leader what he’s laughing about, too focused on finding D.K.

**kyungsoo**

Kyungsoo grumbles as he pushes his books back and out of the way in his sling bag. Despite the neat order of his things, he can't seem to find the one thing that he's looking for. As his panic steadily rises, Kyungsoo turns his bag over on the table. He bites his lip as his things fall out in a messy heap.

Kyungsoo frowns at the pile on the table, the black leather bound notebook missing from it. He checks his empty bag again, even feeling deep within the small pockets his notebook wouldn't fit in. When he comes up empty-handed, Kyungsoo settles for spreading out his pile, determined. He only stops when all his books and binder comes out spread out on the table and still the black notebook doesn't appear. 

"Fuck," Kyungsoo mutters as he looks at his sorry mess. 

"Hey." 

Kyungsoo misses Baekhyun's greeting. All he can think about is his poem journal. 

Baekhyun notices immediately that something is wrong. Kyungsoo, who's always uptight and neat, has his things strewn all over their table in the cafeteria. He looks around and finds no one to be suspicious for his friend's attitude. 

"What's wrong?" 

Kyungsoo gazes up to find his best friend seated beside him, a tray filled with food on the space before him. Baekhyun gives him a worried expression and Kyungsoo knows he must have looked pitiful. 

"I lost my poem journal," Kyungsoo replies, his voice quivering just a little. He hates it when it does that, especially during crucial times. It makes him feel weak, makes him realize that he _is_ weak. He takes a shaky breath. "I don't know where I left it."

As Kyungsoo returns his gaze on his things, Baekhyun follows the gesture. Just like Kyungsoo, Baekhyun doesn't see even a glimpse of black among them. Baekhyun looks back and forth towards Kyungsoo and his things and sighs. He rubs Kyungsoo's back as a gesture of comfort. It works somewhat, as Kyungsoo’s shoulders relax ever so slightly.

Kyungsoo takes another shaky breath and lets Baekhyun's hand comfort him a little. It helps ease his panic, lessening it with each rub. After a few minutes, Kyungsoo finds himself calm enough to think rationally. 

Baekhyun seems to notice this as well as he finally asks, "Where do you think you left it last?" 

Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say he doesn't know but stops himself. He decides to really think about it.

"If you retraced your steps, maybe you'll remember," Baekhyun suggests and Kyungsoo nods. 

"Before going to school, I went home to get changed," Kyungsoo starts. Baekhyun smirks from his side as he nudges Kyungsoo. 

"Because you stayed out last night," Baekhyun teases. "With Jongin," he adds in a singsong whisper. 

Kyungsoo ignores the teasing, choosing instead to focus on his memories. 

"We were at a hotel," Kyungsoo whispers. As he takes each step back, the memories become a little more vivid. He finds himself remembering _things_ and it makes his cheeks burn. 

"And you did it," Baekhyun adds. He half-expects Kyungsoo to deny. When Kyungsoo doesn't, Baekhyun's jaw drops. 

Kyungsoo doesn't bother explaining even though his cheeks start to flame from Baekhyun's accusation. He focuses on the situation at hand. 

"I hadn't fallen asleep yet," Kyungsoo recounts tentatively, finally picking out a significant piece of memory. "And so I took out my journal..." Kyungsoo's eyes widen as he realizes what it means. 

"You left it at the hotel?" Baekhyun asks and Kyungsoo looks at him with panic in his eyes. 

"I did! I—I was in a hurry because my alarm rang and I must've forgotten to put it back in my bag. Fuck. What am I going to do?" Kyungsoo hysterically asks. 

Baekhyun puts his hands on his friend's shoulders. "First, you're going to take a deep breath." Baekhyun takes a deep breath and Kyungsoo follows. "Or three." Kyungsoo readily obeys, which he only does when he's desperate. 

"What time does your last class end?" Baekhyun asks as he fixes Kyungsoo's things for him. 

"My class after lunch was cancelled so I'm free to go. Why?" Kyungsoo asks as he continues to take deep breaths. 

Baekhyun smiles at him and hands him his bag. "Good because I've got no more classes as well. If you left it at the hotel this morning, chances are housekeeping may have found it." 

Kyungsoo's eyes twinkle and he sighs in relief at Baekhyun's quick thinking. 

"Baek," Kyungsoo starts, smiling softly. "I hate to admit it but you're a genius." 

Baekhyun laughs. "Only when you're in a state of panic, Kyungiepoo." 

Kyungsoo lets Baekhyun's teasing slide this time, truly grateful for his best friend's help. Even as Baekhyun drags him out of the cafeteria, all Kyungsoo feels is relief.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

The hotel in the morning looks a lot more pleasing than it did earlier on. The lights are still dim but the afternoon sun filters through the glass doors in a beautiful manner. The lobby still looks as bare as it did the first time Kyungsoo dropped by. Kyungsoo tries not to think about the reasons why it looks empty, shaking his head to clear it of anymore similar thoughts.

Kyungsoo walks toward the front desk with Baekhyun by his side. He hopes the lady doesn't remember him from his walk of shame earlier on. "Excuse me," he starts in a soft voice. From the corner of his eye, he can see Baekhyun roll his eyes. 

The lady sweetly smiles at them. "Would you like to rent a room for the night? We have special offers for this time of day." 

Baekhyun laughs in disbelief while Kyungsoo stands there dumbfounded, his jaw dropping just the slightest. 

"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo says as Baekhyun keeps laughing beside him. "But we're not like that. Please, don't even imply anything like that." Kyungsoo shudders, as if to add a point. 

"She thought," Baekhyun says in between laughter. "We were together." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and smiles at the lady who apologizes profusely. 

"How may I help you then?" she asks, slightly flustered from her earlier mistake. 

"I stayed here last night at room 204 and I was wondering if housekeeping may have picked up a black journal? It's a little tattered with my initials on the cover." 

The lady nods her head and types something on her computer. It doesn't take long before she looks up at Kyungsoo with a small frown. 

"I'm sorry but it doesn't seem to have been picked up by any of our staff." 

Kyungsoo feels his panic come back and can't find it in him to say something. 

"Is there any way we could check?" Baekhyun asks for Kyungsoo. 

The lady shakes her head. "There's already a couple using the room and housekeeping has been through it already. If our staff found something, they are required to report it so we can record the item in our Lost and Found document." 

Kyungsoo bites his lip and nods. All the panic has left his bones and only despair settles within him. 

"If you stayed the night with someone, maybe that person has your journal," the lady suggests with a hopeful smile. 

Kyungsoo's eyes widen in panic, dread, and a little bit of hope. He takes a few deep breaths to settle the panic inside of him. He barely even notices that Baekhyun's dragged him out of the lobby. Baekhyun's in the middle of a sentence when Kyungsoo pays attention. 

"Jongin _might_ have my journal?" Kyungsoo asks no one particular. 

"Have you been listening to anything I've been saying?" Baekhyun asks instead of replying. 

"Baekhyun, if Jongin has my journal, he might have read it," Kyungsoo cries, grabbing onto Baekhyun's shoulders and shaking him slightly. "He might've read it." 

"Kyungsoo calm down," Baekhyun tries to butt in, stopping Kyungsoo from shaking him. 

"But Baekhyun, half the things I wrote in my poem journal were about him. Baekhyun," Kyungsoo almost wails in panic. 

Baekhyun sighs and pulls Kyungsoo hands off his shoulders. "Kyungsoo! Calm the fuck down!" 

Baekhyun rarely raises his voice at Kyungsoo, so when he does, Kyungsoo immediately listens. "We're going back to the dorm, you're going to tell me everything that happened and then we'll consider all possible options, okay?" 

Kyungsoo takes three deep breaths and nods. Baekhyun sighs and drags him along. 

Kyungsoo can't help the feeling of something falling to the pit of his stomach at the idea of Jongin _having_ his journal.

**jongin**

“Okay, you,” Jongdae points at Jongin, “You need to shut up and stop turning down all our ideas.” Jongdae takes in lungfuls of air as Joonmyun goes to his side to try and calm him down.

Jongin raises his hands in defense, one hand clutching the notebook. “Look, all your ideas are great but we have to find the most foolproof one so we can find D.K. without a hitch.” 

Chanyeol groans, burying his head in the sofa’s pillows. “Come on, man. You’ve rejected all the ideas. It’s been like two days!” 

“But all the things I’ve pointed out makes sense. If we use Twitter and take pictures of the journal, everyone will have an idea of what could be inside and using fliers is just stupid,” Jongin defends, ignoring Sehun’s ‘Hey!’ as soon as he mentions the fliers. 

“Okay, enough,” Joonmyun says. It’s the tone that gets all the members to stiffen despite the fact that everyone towers over him. “Jongin, I think it’s best that you stay in your room while _we_ discuss the best possible way we can find your mystery guy.” 

Jongin sputters, but one look from Joonmyun has him trudging to his room, tightly clutching D.K.’s journal in hand. 

Seething, Jongin plops on his bed and turns the pages in D.K.’s journal. Having read nothing but this for the past few days, he’s gotten most of the pages and poems memorized. He stops once he finds the poem he’s looking for. 

_Fire burns in my veins,_  
Every time they tell me  
that I cannot love  
who I love.  
They just don’t know  
that you mean the world  
to me.  
They just don’t know. 

Jongin closes his eyes as he recites the words in his mind. _This is exactly how I feel_ , he thinks as he lets the words circle his thoughts before going to the next poem.

_When anger goes away,_  
All that’s left is the sinking feeling  
that maybe they were right.  
But  
a part of me believes  
that I have  
just as much right  
as any other  
to love you,  
to hold you in my heart.  
I’m not wrong,  
I tell myself.  
And with those words,  
I can feel better. 

And it is exactly those words that help Jongin feel better. He smiles wryly to himself, wondering how such a man can hold such meaningful words and how Jongin can’t seem to find this part of himself. Before he knows it, he’s perusing the notebook once more, going over memorized poems and feeling all the same things he did every time he reads them. 

He finds himself stopping over a certain page, somewhere closer to the end of the notebook. 

_I love you._  
I love you.  
I love you.  
I love you.  
I love you.  
I love you.  
I wish I could tell you. 

Jongin’s heart throbs. He finds that a lot of the poems relate to a certain someone, someone D.K.’s in love with. 

“I haven’t fallen in love in a long time,” Jongin says to himself as he reads the other poems, almost mirroring the one he just read. 

_You’re like a bright star,_  
Shining, shining, shining.  
Like a bright star,  
far far far away.  
Like a bright star,  
I can’t look away.  
A bright star,  
who holds my heart  
and not just my gaze. 

“Is this what it means to love?” Jongin asks himself, turning over in his bed. He’s read these poems a hundred times but it still draws the same questions out of him. 

_Because love is you._  
Love is looking  
right at you  
and feeling my body  
thrum with the music  
that plays in the background.  
Love is not hearing this song  
because all I can think of  
is you.  
Love is you. 

“I wish this was about me,” Jongin finds himself saying, letting the words go before he can even properly think of what he’s saying. He stops reading, thinking, stunned at what he’d just said. It takes a while before it dawns on him what the feeling in his gut actually is, what feeling the questions he asks are born from. 

“Love is you,” Jongin reads aloud, words heavy with meaning, heart so full with emotion.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

Jongin lands on the last written page of the journal at last. The same heaviness settles in his chest as he reads the poem over and over again. It reminds him of that night with D.K.

_I look at you_  
And find myself drawn to the beauty  
Of your silhouette.  
The lights of the night  
Showering your skin with stars,  
It leaves me breathless. 

_I look at you_  
From where I sit  
And resist the urge to cry,  
Because with the small distance  
between us,  
I can feel the cold slap of reality  
That this is not what forever means. 

_I look at you,_  
At the cold and harsh lines  
Of your beautiful back,  
And think to myself  
That this is the last time  
You're going to hurt me like this. 

"Is this about me?" Jongin asks the quiet in his room. He traces the last line with a finger, feeling where the ink embeds on the paper. The pang in his chest is unmistakable and he knows it's not only due to the emotions the poem holds.

He looks up from the notebook. He can hear his band mates discussing and he lets their chatter lull him into a daze. Jongin thinks about that night in the club, the small stature of a man holding him. He tries to picture what the man looked like but nothing comes to mind. 

Jongin groans as he comes up empty handed. He has tried going back to each and every memory he has of the stranger but he can never recall anything of use. All he can remember is the smooth paleness of his skin as it shone under the moonlit night. 

"Hey!" Chanyeol greets as he opens the door and Jongin sits up on his bed to address the elder. "We finally have something that will work." 

"Finally!" Jongin exclaims as he excitedly gets off the bed. Chanyeol just shakes his head as he follows after Jongin.

"Okay," Jongdae begins. "Since you've shot down every _bright_ idea we've had so far, we came up with one we thought was ‘foolproof’." 

"We thought, maybe we could come up with a riddle during our gigs," Joonmyun continues. "That way, we don't have to reveal what the lost item is and we can be as cryptic as possible in a way we can't do on Twitter." 

"And because we're going to be cryptic, our fans are sure to catch on and spread it around themselves and if your guy is really a groupie, he's bound to hear about it," Chanyeol says from beside him. "Better than passing out fliers. That way only our fans know what's going on." 

"Besides, D.K. could be looking for his journal," Sehun adds in. "And this will only heighten his suspicions on where his journal could be."

Jongin absorbs all that they've told him and looks at the journal in his hands. There is a chance that even if the stranger approached him, he won't be able to remember him. This was the only way, to be able to find him, his song. 

"Okay. Let's do it." 

"Yes!" Jongdae exclaims, giving out high-fives to the other members. "This had better be worth it." 

Jongin nods and gives them a soft smile, brushing his thumb softly on the leather. The many poems he's read swirls in his mind and he can't help but whisper, "It will be."

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

Jongin cranes his neck and flexes his hands before going on stage. The screams of fans outside are deafening but he's used to it. As soon as they stand on stage and play their song, the only thing he will hear will be Jongdae and Joonmyun's voices, the soft blending of guitars with the drums, and the occasional piano. He immerses himself with these thoughts until he stands on stage and hears the actual melody of their lineup for the night.

It isn't until the last notes of the penultimate song leaves his ears that Jongin returns to reality. Jongdae's voice still echoes in the club but he doesn't sing, instead, he talks. 

"Tonight, we'd like everyone to listen to a special request of ours," Jongdae announces as the crowd goes wild with yeses. Jongdae smiles excitedly and hands the mic to Jongin. 

"Good evening! For our last song, we'd like for everyone to listen very carefully to the melody. This song doesn't have any lyrics yet because I'm still looking for person who holds the right words." There's a commotion of whispers that floods Jongin's ears but he keeps talking. "If you hold them right now, then you're the one I'm looking for. All you need to do is tell me what they are." 

As if on cue, Joonmyun starts playing the melody Jongin walked home to the other day. Jongin gives Jongdae the mic back and closes his eyes. He waits for the drum beats before joining along with his own chords. 

When the song ends, the crowd goes into an uproar and a bouncer leads them back to their dressing rooms. There's already a queue of boys and girls screaming their names to call their attention. Somehow, as Jongin gazes at each one of them, he knows none of them are the one.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

The word spreads quickly, even more quickly than Jongin had thought. The news travels around school and comes back to Jongin and his band mates' ears every day for the past week. It's become one of Jongin's routine to stand in front of a spazzy fan with made up words, none of which are what he wants to hear. Since most of them turn out to be girls, Jongin doesn't wait for them to speak before turning them away with a quick, 'You're not who we're looking for.'

It's the last day of the school week and Jongin throws himself on the couch, groaning as the kinks in his body make themselves known. 

"I officially hate you," Sehun mutters as he sits on Jongin's back. Jongin groans but doesn't move to push Sehun off. "I swear, if you had just tweeted this, it would ne so much easier to deal with." 

"Ugh," is all Jongin replies. 

"How are people supposed to know they're supposed to give the first _and_ last poem in the journal anyway?" Chanyeol mutters as he trudges in the living room, sitting down on the loveseat. 

"Whatever," Jongin mutters, barely audible as he still has his head trapped between his arms and the couch. "I'm sure if D.K. heard our song it would hit him how well it fit the first and last poem." 

"I don't even know how it fits our song," Sehun comments with a groan. "I swear if we don't find this 'D.K.' guy, we're going to make you trash this idea." 

Jongin sighs but nods. All throughout the week, he's gotten the same complaints from all his friends. After all, they experience the same thing Jongin does—spazzy fans every second and still no D.K.

"Alright," Jongin finds himself relenting. He knows it's unfair to impose on his band mates such a selfish wish. He turns on the couch so he's facing the ceiling. Sehun moves to sit on the space by Jongin's legs. "Alright. If he doesn't appear by next week, we can give up the search." 

Joonmyun chuckles as he walks inside the room with Jongdae in tow. "Come on guys, it's not so bad." 

"You guys are so fucking lucky," Chanyeol groans out. "Your public displays of make-out sessions make you guys unapproachable. You don't deserve to say anything." Chanyeol groans again as if to add more to his point. Sehun flings a throw pillow at the couple as they laugh at the truth behind Chanyeol's words. 

"But I think we'll find him soon," Jongdae adds as he sits on the couch armrest. "If word has spread around so far, our fans are probably telling each other we're looking for a boy poet. Won't be long now 'til he shows up." 

Jongin listens on quietly as his friends talk about the many comical encounters they had throughout the week. He hopes Jongdae's right because more than writing a song, the need to find the person behind D.K. becomes the priority as each day passes.

**kyungsoo**

Kyungsoo ignores Baekhyun as he occupies the seat beside him in the library. He knows that if he so much as greets his best friend then he will use it as an opportunity to talk about his _Jongin issue_.

"So?" Baekhyun starts even though Kyungsoo's doing so well pretending he doesn't exist. 

Kyungsoo contemplates for a second the pros of answering Baekhyun. There's a paper due at the end of the week regarding the book he's currently reading. He reads the current line he's been on and realizes he's read it five times since Baekhyun's arrived. He takes a deep breath. 

"So what?" Kyungsoo asks, turning his attention to his best friend. Baekhyun has a cheeky grin on his face which only makes Kyungsoo feel guilty for ignoring his book. 

When Kyungsoo doesn't seem to get his question, Baekhyun rolls his eyes and spells it out for the other male. "So, how's the Jongin—I mean, journal search going?" Baekhyun smirks as if expecting positive results. Kyungsoo sighs because there are none. Ever since Kyungsoo told Baekhyun _everything_ that happened the other night, Baekhyun has gotten the idea that maybe something more could happen with Kyungsoo and Jongin. 

Kyungsoo returns to his book but replies. "I haven't talked to him yet." 

"What? Why not?" Baekhyun sounds a lot more put out than Kyungsoo feels.

"Because," Kyungsoo starts. He tries to think of the many reasons that's stopped him from approaching Jongin. "He's always surrounded by fans." Baekhyun opens his mouth as if to protest but Kyungsoo cuts him off. "Even more so than before." Kyungsoo shakes his head and begins to read the line where he stopped in the book, for the sixth time. "Plus, he seems to always be talking to someone whenever I find him." 

Baekhyun clicks his tongue. "You give up so easily." Kyungsoo can _feel_ Baekhyun roll his eyes beside him and he shudders. "It's almost as if you don't want to find your journal." 

Kyungsoo bristles at Baekhyun's tone. There's a little bit of teasing in it that irritates him but also a sort of truth thrown inside that should make Kyungsoo uncomfortable. Kyungsoo glares at Baekhyun. 

"Of course I want to find my journal," Kyungsoo harshly whispers at Baekhyun. "I just can't find the opportunity to talk to him!" 

Baekhyun smirks at Kyungsoo. "Are you sure part of you isn't avoiding him? The other day you were telling me how much you wanted to quit the fandom _just_ because Jongin slept with you." 

Kyungsoo flinches and he pulls back the argument he was about to hurl out. He bites his lip and tries to ignore the sudden pain in his chest. 

"You don't understand," Kyungsoo breathes out, tightening his hold on his highlighter. 

"What don't I understand?" Baekhyun asks but his tone is no longer harsh and biting, which means Kyungsoo looks as pitiful as he feels. 

"I just don't want to get hurt again," Kyungsoo finally admits. Baekhyun gives him a sympathetic look as he runs his hand up and down Kyungsoo's back. 

"Look, you're just going to ask him if he has your journal. There is literally nothing else he can do to hurt you even more." Baekhyun looks so sure as he says this that Kyungsoo almost falls for it. 

"You don't know that," Kyungsoo argues. "For all we know, he could probably have thrown away my journal because he realized that it was all about him." The horror is clear on Kyungsoo's face and Baekhyun sighs as he shakes his best friend back to reality. 

"Kyungsoo," Baekhyun calls out. "Your journal, how important is it?" 

"Very." 

"Then get it back!" 

"But how!?" 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes as he turns Kyungsoo's face forward. Kyungsoo's heart stops beating at the sight in front of him. On the opposite table, sitting all alone is Jongin sleeping. The afternoon sunlight from the window behind Jongin catches on his skin. It reminds Kyungsoo of that night, when it was the moonlight that bathed Jongin. 

Kyungsoo swallows as he feels Baekhyun grip on his arms soften. "Now, all you have to do is walk over there and ask about your journal." 

"But he's asleep." 

Baekhyun gives him a pointed look. "He's not. Trust me, I know. He's probably just pretending because he's been swarmed by fans since the week started." 

"How?" 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "Don't underestimate a fan's skills. Please. Now go and get your journal." 

"But—"

"How important is your journal again?" 

"Very," Kyungsoo repeats with a sigh. 

"So you want it back _very_ much, right?" 

"Yeah." 

"Conversation over. Now go over there!" Baekhyun pushes Kyungsoo out of his chair.

Kyungsoo stumbles before he regains his balance. He curses Baekhyun to the heavens and promises to be just as mean to his best friend the next time a situation like this comes. Before he knows it, his ranting about his best friend has gotten him right before Jongin. 

Kyungsoo takes several deep breaths and just looks at Jongin. He walks a little closer until he's right beside him. Without thinking too much of it, he places a hand on Jongin's shoulder, shaking it slightly. 

"Excuse me?" Kyungsoo starts out softly. "Jongin-ssi?" 

When Jongin pierces him with a cold hard stare, Kyungsoo retracts his hand as if Jongin's skin burned him. 

"What?" Jongin almost growls. Kyungsoo trembles from where he stands and swallows. 

"I just wanted to ask," Kyungsoo starts but Jongin shakes his head. 

"Look, unless you've got the words I'm looking for then I'm not interested," Jongin mutters, folding his arms. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kyungsoo admits in a soft voice. Jongin's scary demeanor has him cowering just the slightest. 

Jongin rolls his eyes. "Then please don't waste my time." Jongin closes his eyes and proceeds to ignore Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo stands there stunned. He bites his lip and fights the pain that comes with the slicing of his heart. He can't wait to prove Baekhyun wrong.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

"I'm done," Kyungsoo whispers to himself as he begins to take out his collection of fan shirts that he designed himself. An hour has passed since the incident and while Kyungsoo sat in the library pretending to study, he finally made up his mind. If he was all talk the other day with Baekhyun, now he's sure. "I'm quitting the fandom."

"Kyungsoo," Baekhyun calls after him as he throws shirt after shirt into the pile on his bed. 

"This is all your fault, you know that?" Kyungsoo answers back. 

"It's not," Baekhyun argues. "You and I both know that you had to talk to Jongin for your journal and—"

Kyungsoo shoots Baekhyun a glare that shuts him up. "Don't even start with me, Byun Baekhyun. You don't even know what happened. Don't talk as if you know everything." 

After Kyungsoo finishes clearing out his closet, he moves to the posters above his bed. Baekhyun panics and he rushes to grab his best friend's hands away from the posters. 

"Stop!" Baekhyun yells, tackling his friend to the bed. "Tell me what happened before you do anything you regret." 

"Let go of me, Baekhyun!" Kyungsoo shouts as he starts fighting back Baekhyun's hold. 

"No! You're going to regret this if you continue to destroy everything you love!" 

"I will not regret this! If the things I love the most will hurt me this bad, I might as well forget about everything!" 

"Kyungsoo!" Baekhyun shouts so loud that Kyungsoo stops fighting back. Baekhyun huffs as he loosens his hold on Kyungsoo but keeps his hands tight on his wrists. "Just tell me everything that happened and _then_ we'll think about throwing your 5 Directions things away, okay?" 

Kyungsoo seethes but Baekhyun's hold on him is unrelenting. 

"Tell me," Baekhyun coaxes and with a deep sigh, Kyungsoo gives up. 

"Fine."

Kyungsoo tries not to think about the pain gripping his heart as he relays to Baekhyun the exact conversation that went on. Once Kyungsoo finishes, Baekhyun finally lets go of his hands. 

"What do you think Jongin meant?" Baekhyun asks as he brings out his phone. 

"I don't know," Kyungsoo shrugs. "It might be his new way of throwing off fans." 

Baekhyun scrunches his eyebrows as he opens his Twitter. "I don't know. It feels a bit too legit. I'm going to check out what's going on with 5D. You. Stay. Put." 

Kyungsoo lies back down on the bed, too tired to even bother continuing his plans of throwing everything away. He looks around his room, the walls covered with posters of 5D, their faces ranging from serious to smiles. Jongin looks especially handsome on the poster on the ceiling and it tugs at Kyungsoo's heart strings. He put it there for a reason after all. 

"I got it!" Baekhyun says just as Kyungsoo begins a daydream. 

"What?" Kyungsoo asks sitting up so Baekhyun can thrust his phone into his line of sight. 

"Look here," Baekhyun shows him a conversation of tweets he had just started with mutual friends.

>   
>  **Peter Pan's Girl** @superjmfan  
>  I can't believe they're looking for guys! @jdsminemine you should try!!! ᄏᄏᄏ 
> 
> **Minseokkie** @jdsminemine  
>  @superjmfan I already did ㅠㅠㅠㅠ
> 
> **BBH** @daebaek_  
>  @jdsminemine @superjmfan what are you guys talking about? 
> 
> **Peter Pan's Girl** @superjmfan  
>  @daebaek_ @jdsminemine BAEK BAEK BAEK!!! I can't believe you don't know yet! 5D is looking for some guy poet!!! 
> 
> **Minseokkie** @jdsminemine  
>  @superjmfan @daebaek_ YOU AND KYUNGSOO SHOULD GIVE IT A SHOT! It might even be one of you guys ᄏ
> 
> **BBH** @daebaek_  
>  @jdsminemine @superjmfan what? why are they looking for a guy poet?
> 
> **Peter Pan's Girl** @superjmfan  
>  @daebaek_ @jdsminemine beats me. but it's been the talk of the fandom for the whole week. it seems that it's a guy since girls (like me :() get rejected asap. 
> 
> **Minseokkie** @jdsminemine  
>  @superjmfan @daebaek_ ᄏᄏᄏᄏᄏ I had to make up a poem on the spot tho! But I wasn't what they're looking for. ㅠ
> 
> **BBH** @daebaek_  
>  @jdsminemine @superjmfan :o i see~ thanks guys! kyungsoo and i will check it out. 
> 
> **Peter Pan's Girl** @superjmfan  
>  @daebaek_ @jdsminemine good luck!
> 
> **Minseokkie** @jdsminemine  
>  @daebaek_ @superjmfan Go baek and soo! You can do it! 화이팅!

"I think they're looking for you!" Baekhyun exclaims and Kyungsoo looks back and forth at his friend and his phone.

"Why?" 

Baekhyun groans, grabbing his phone as if to throw it at Kyungsoo's face. 

"Because you lost your _poem_ journal. They're looking for a _guy poet_. Come on Kyungsoo. THINK!" 

Kyungsoo's jaw drops. "But, when I was about to ask, Jongin said I wasn't what he was looking for," Kyungsoo tries to reason even though bits and pieces of the puzzle in his head begin to make sense. 

"It's probably because you did it wrong. Look, Wendy and Minseok told us there was some kind of procedure that we had to do." Baekhyun points to the following tweet and Kyungsoo reads it. 

"So all we have to do is go to a gig and we'll find out how?" Kyungsoo asks, looking up at his friend's mischievously bright eyes. 

"I guess."

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

The next 5D gig falls on the Saturday of that week. Kyungsoo finds himself donning, what he hopes to be the last time, one of his favorite self-designed 5D shirts. It was also the same shirt he'd worn when Jongin picked him up.

"It might help Jongin remember you!" Baekhyun points out as he fixes his eyeliner. 

With a resigned sigh, Kyungsoo folds the sleeve of his shirt, hoping to show off a little more. His skinny white jeans, ripped around the the thighs, just don't seem to cut it for him. He tops the whole outfit with a black trench coat that will keep him warm while they walk to the bar. 

"Okay," Baekhyun says as he puts his eyeliner back in his pocket. "Let's go." 

Kyungsoo allows Baekhyun to drag him along, still not feeling up to it. There's still the sadness deep within his gut when Jongin rejected him. Even though it's been days since it happened, Kyungsoo just can't forget it. He finds himself still thinking about the incident when Baekhyun stops dragging him. 

"What?" Kyungsoo asks out of his disoriented state as he looks around the dark and cold streets. 

"We're here," Baekhyun says as he pulls Kyungsoo inside the warm club. 

They're just in time for the opening act to start. Baekhyun looks around but Kyungsoo keeps his gaze low, not wanting to meet anyone he knows. Baekhyun seems to notice his obvious discomfort and decides to stop looking around. 

"Just this once," Baekhyun shouts as the loud rock music fills the club. "We're not gonna mingle." 

Kyungsoo sighs in relief as he allows Baekhyun to pull him to the front of the dance floor. The place isn't as packed as they'd thought it to be, and they're lucky that they get a good spot to view the rest of the band as they play. Baekhyun tries to make Kyungsoo dance along to the song, but Kyungsoo just shakes his head. He really just wants this night to end. 

"Suit yourself," Baekhyun relents, giving Kyungsoo a sad smile. Kyungsoo almost feels apologetic but half the reason why he's even in this mess is because of Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun continues to dance to the opening act before he stops and stands still. The announcer has just introduced 5 Directions and the crowd closes in on the two. Baekhyun clings to Kyungsoo and begins to shout as loudly as possible. The crowd shouts along with Baekhyun. With a sad smile, Kyungsoo looks up and muscle memory has him looking for Jongin first. 

Kyungsoo finds Jongin standing under a mix of colored spotlights, his hair artfully mussed up. His clothes look casual enough but cling to him like a second skin and Kyungsoo swallows the lump in his throat. The moment Jongin strums his guitar, Kyungsoo finds himself captivated, falling once more into the depths of Jongin's melodic music. It doesn't take long before Kyungsoo's closing his eyes and listening to the songs with his heart. It doesn't matter how much Jongin's burned him, Kyungsoo's home is this band—Jongin's music.

When Kyungsoo opens his eyes, he sees the happiness painted on Jongin's face and he knows that, despite all the pain, he will always, _always_ love Jongin. 

Tears stream down Kyungsoo's face as 5 Directions end their song _You and You_. Jongdae has just started talking, a new feat in their line-up Kyungsoo supposes. Baekhyun grips his arm tightly and Kyungsoo thinks it's probably just his fanboy self going crazy over Jongdae. 

"Good evening fans and people of _Jive_. Thank you for having us tonight. Before we end for the night, I'd like to give the mic to our lead guitarist, Jongin." 

Kyungsoo swallows as uncertainty floods him. Baekhyun's grip on his arm tightens. 

"It's been almost two weeks since we began the search for the person with the right words," Jongin begins. Kyungsoo thinks he hears desperation in his voice. "Today is the last day we'll be looking for you, so if you're out there, I want you to listen to this last song we're playing. There are no lyrics to this song yet because I haven’t found you. If you're here, holding the words to this song, please sing them to me backstage. All you need to do is give me your first and your last." 

Kyungsoo holds his breath as Jongin returns the mic to Jongdae. The soft piano fills Kyungsoo's ear but all he can think about is his first poem in his journal. There's a mix of brightness and sadness in the melody Joonmyun plays. When Jongin starts strumming his guitar, all Kyungsoo can think of is to match his poem line by line with beat per beat. 

Kyungsoo's breath gets caught in his throat.

**jongin**

The crowd goes wild again with 'It's me! I'm the one you're looking for' but Jongin ignores them, sole intention on playing this song with his whole heart. When the song ends, the last notes of his guitar drifting off into the audience, Jongin gives them a sad, desperate smile. _Let me find him, please_ , Jongin prays.

Before he knows it, the staff of _Jive_ leads them away from the stage and right back to their dressing rooms. Some of the bouncers for the club's entrance stand guard by the barricade that separates the door from fans. Jongin finds himself looking at the crowd that's gathered there, looking for something familiar. 

There's a staff gently guiding him back with his band mates and Jongin, in his defeat at finding nothing, allows him to. 

"Jongin!" For some reason, Jongin returns his gaze back at the people by the barricade. Jongin's heart stops as he sees the black fan shirt, with the silver print on it. He unconsciously pulls away from the staff's guiding hand and straight into the barricade. 

A man with wide eyes and tousled hair stands behind the barricade, looking trapped as the crowd presses him against the metal. There's a pained look on his face and Jongin immediately tells the bouncers to let him through. Before the fans can follow the wide-eyed man, Jongin pulls him along backstage, running away from the screaming fans. 

As Jongin finds himself coming back to reality, he realizes that the man standing and panting before him is the same person who approached him at the library a few days back. He takes a deep breath and tightens his hold on the hand in his. Jongin opens his mouth but the man cuts him off with heart shaped smile. 

"The sky is blue, the leaves are green, the day is supposed to be, as beautiful as it seems, but deep within, deep inside of myself, there is a blackness that makes the day dim," the fan recites and Jongin's heart thunders in his chest. One more poem. 

The pale-skinned man looks at the ground and takes a deep breath. Jongin squeezes his hand, urging him to continue. 

"I look at you, and find myself drawn to the beauty, of your silhouette. The lights of the night, showering your skin with stars, it leaves me breathless." He pauses and looks up at Jongin's eyes. "I look at you, from where I sit, and resist the urge to cry, because with the small distance between us, I can feel the cold slap of reality, that this is not what forever means." 

With the person standing before him narrating his own words, Jongin feels the words pierce him harder than when he had read them for the nth time. 

"I look at you," the person begins with a tremble in his voice and Jongin swallows the lump in his own throat. "At the cold and harsh lines, of your beautiful back, and think to myself, that this is the last time, you're going to hurt me like this." 

Jongin gives D.K. a sad smile, wiping the tears that fell from his eyes as he spoke. "I've found you," Jongin mutters as he caresses D.K.'s cheeks. He memorizes every feature on this face, engraves it to memory so he will never forget. "I've found you." 

"Ask him his name!" 

"Ask him if he owns the journal!" 

"That's such a stupid question to ask." 

"Just kiss already!" 

Jongin's band mates catcall from behind them. Jongin rolls his eyes as he turns to flip them all off. He turns back to a giggling D.K. There's a light hue of pink dusting his cheeks and Jongin's heart stops beating before racing again. 

"This is such a stupid question," Jongin begins as he intertwines his fingers with D.K.'s. "But can I please have your name?" 

"It's Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo," D.K.—or well, Kyungsoo—replies. 

"Kyungsoo," Jongin whispers, loving the way the name fits on his lips. It feels like it's meant to be. "I've found my song," Jongin says just before he catches Kyungsoo's lips with his own.

(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)

"That rhyme sounds really terrible," Kyungsoo comments at the lyrics notebook Jongin has sprawled between them. Jongin sighs in defeat.

"Okay, if you think you can do better, here," Jongin relents, handing Kyungsoo the pen. 

Kyungsoo smirks from beside him. "Of course I can." 

Jongin loathes to admit it but Kyungsoo does a better job at rhyming than he does. It doesn't take long before Kyungsoo has remedied Jongin's lyrics, making sense of his words like Jongin has never seen anyone do. 

"See?" Kyungsoo points out with a triumphant smile, a smile that Jongin kisses straight off his lips. 

"Thanks," Jongin whispers against his lips. The dreamy look on Kyungsoo's face is worth all the bickering they've done this afternoon, just writing poems and lyrics. 

"Ew. As if Joonmyun and Jongdae making out in the other corner isn't enough!" Baekhyun whines loudly in the apartment. 

Jongin and Kyungsoo laugh before they go back to occupying each other's attention with their lips—mostly, just to piss Baekhyun off. 

"It's alright, Baekhyun," they hear Chanyeol say just as they pull apart. "You'll always have me to make out with." 

Everyone aside from Chanyeol and Baekhyun laughs. Baekhyun glares at Chanyeol who looks incredibly disheartened at the implicit rejection. 

"How about we write a song about them next?" Jongin asks, nudging Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo laughs and nods. "It will be the perfect love song." 

Jongin tsks. "Not as perfect as ours." 

Kyungsoo begins to laugh but Jongin kisses it right out of him. Between them, the notebook remains open with the latest song they have written together. 

_This is You and Me_.


End file.
